Last week, my wife and I quietly celebrated 25 years of marriage. It’s a milestone that feels both ordinary and extraordinary; two imperfect people learning how to walk alongside each other, year after year.
As a counsellor, I’ve spent countless hours supporting couples through the challenges and joys of connection. But my own marriage has been the most powerful teacher of all.
Here are six reflections from these 25 years together. I share them with the hope they might offer you encouragement, perspective, or simply a reminder that you’re not alone in this journey.
- Love Changes: That’s Part of the Beauty
Early on, love felt like excitement and possibility. Over time, it softened into something deeper and more sustaining. I’ve learned to stop expecting love to stay the same. It grows and shifts as we do, and that’s not a sign something is wrong; it’s the way it is.
Invitation: Be open to love in all its forms. Let it move from spark to steady flame and back again, without judgment.
- Conflict Happens: Repair Matters Most
Even the healthiest relationships experience friction. For a time, I thought arguments meant we were failing somehow. I’ve come to see conflict as an opportunity to understand each other more fully. What matters isn’t avoiding disagreements; it’s how you come back to one another afterwards.
Reflection: Notice how you repair. Do you reach out, offer understanding, and rebuild trust? Small gestures of reconnection make all the difference.
- Shared Values Anchor You
You don’t have to enjoy all the same hobbies to stay close. What matters is the shared foundation beneath everything; respect, kindness, commitment, and whatever else you both hold dear. Those shared values are what steady you in life’s unpredictable seasons.
Consider: When was the last time you talked about what truly matters to you both? Revisit those conversations regularly.
- Laughter Keeps You Close
Over time, it’s easy for responsibilities to eclipse joy. One of the most sustaining choices we’ve made is to keep finding ways to laugh together; to share little moments of playfulness and connection.
Encouragement: Make space for joy, even in the busy or stressful times. Laughter has a way of dissolving distance.
- Independence Is Healthy
In the early years, I thought togetherness meant doing everything side by side. But I’ve learned that creating space to grow individually; pursuing our own interests and friendships; has strengthened our connection.
Perspective: Healthy relationships are made of two whole people who choose to come together, not merge into one.
- Love Is a Daily Choice
Perhaps the most important lesson: lasting love is built on a series of small decisions. To stay curious, to be patient, to keep showing up even when it feels hard. No grand gestures can replace the quiet, daily choice to keep loving.
Invitation: Each day, ask yourself: How will I choose my partner today?
A Final Thought
25 years in, I’m more convinced than ever that love isn’t something we find once and for all; it’s something we keep creating together. Whether you’re just starting out or decades into your journey, know that growth is always possible.
If you’d like support to strengthen your relationship, I’m here to help. Please reach out if you’d like to explore counselling or coaching together.
