People often come to me to ask me if I think their partner is cheating on them.
If you have been a previous relationship where you were cheated on, then you will be sensitive to the warning signs or if your current partner has broken your trust in the past in this area or another area then that will make you sensitive to warning signs.
I must stress until you have conclusive proof, you should assume you are not being treated on. The more suspicious you become the more suspicious you will become.
However, there a few things that are hints, that things are not great in your relationship. It may not be an affair that is happening, it might mean your partner is distracted by something else.
Look for three missing things in your relationship – time, money, and affection.
- Missing Time
No one appreciates accounting for every minute of every day. Therefore, people resent a partner who insists on knowing where they are all the time and an accounting of everything they are doing. Those who do so eventually drive their partners away emotionally, if not physically.
On the other hand, when time regularly goes missing without reasonable explanation, it might indicate hidden behaviours. Affairs take time. If your partner is repeatedly out of contact and offers no sensible explanation or becomes angry when you ask, that may indicate trouble.
Missing time may not be time away; it may be time spent in the same house with you or co-workers, but private enough to facilitate communication with someone else.
- Missing Money
Affairs typically are expensive. When a person becomes emotionally involved with another, often they spend money on the other person. Presents, meals together, hotel rooms can add up quickly.
Though missing money may indicate problems other than adultery such as gambling, drinking, pornography, and more, secretly spent money nearly always means trouble.
- Increased Affection
Because most affairs involve emotional connection to another person, they typically reduce emotional closeness with their partner. Early in an emotional involvement with another person, your partner might increase emotional interaction with you for a couple reasons – the new involvement intensifies their emotions, and they may feel guilt.
- Missing Affection
As emotional bonding with the lover increases, the straying partner usually begins to distance themselves from you. Hugs, kisses, tender phrases, and comfortable conversations taper off.
Intimacy decreases and may cease altogether. While there may be other causes for missing emotional connection than infidelity, any dramatic reduction needs examination. The lessening may not happen rapidly. Therefore, sometimes a person does not realise it while it happens, but eventually becomes aware.
From my perspective working with people, missing time, money, or affection are indicators of a problem. If the “missing” occurs in only one area and is not significant, it may mean little. If the “missing” occurs in more than one area, or if it becomes noteworthy, it likely means a great deal.
- Partner Becomes Defensive
If your partner responds with anger, strong defensiveness, evasiveness, this clearly suggests something is being hidden from you.
Rather than seek assurances everything okay, say you are concerned about the relationship and if they continue to be negative or be defensive, then clearly something is not right.
It seems that a common tactic among straying partners, especially men, is to create confusion within their partner about their mental state.
Remember, unless you have clear proof of being cheated on your partners not as normal behaviour means something is not right, but it does not mean they are having an affair.
