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7 Things That Will Hurt Your Relationship

A few weeks ago, someone asked what are the most common things I hear in the counselling room that hurt a relationship. I have not included cheating, gambling, watching porn or doing drugs as I wanted to focus on the things that slowly hurt a relationship. Often people do not realise they are doing these things and only become aware of them when they come in for help or their partner has ended the relationship.

1. Not saying sorry – many people tell me that they are sorry for being nasty towards their partner. However, they keep doing the same thing over and over again. Actions speak louder than words and after a while your partner is going to stop believing you. Saying sorry is putting things in place to make it harder for you to hurt them again.

2. Not allowing your partner to have a different view to you – we are all different, but it amazes me when people expect their partner to agree with them all the time and when their partner offers an opposing view, they shut them down by yelling at them, withholding sex, name calling or accuse them of not loving them. Personally, I like it when my wife disagrees with me. Why? We talk about our difference, and we make a better decision.

3. Not being honest – remember when you first got together. You were telling each other stuff and letting them know the things you liked or didn’t like. One of the strategies I show couples is about honesty. If you are having a bad day or struggling, let the other person know. If you try to deal with things by yourself, it might just make things harder on yourself. Conversely, if you are feeling great let them know that too. Telling your partner what you like and don’t like is part of this as well (less of the don’t like and more or the do like). Not being honest is a great way to destroy your relationship.

4. Ignoring your partners boundaries – boundaries are important for all of us. They help us to build trust, recharge our batteries, protect us from things that have hurt us in the past from hurting us again. If you love your partner, why would you ignore their boundaries?

5. Avoiding difficult conversations – by not having difficult conversations you will often never resolve things that need to be talked about. This can lead to frustration and becoming angry which leads to an argument. A lot of stuff may be said during the argument but rarely do both of you walk away feeling heard and with an answer that works for you both.

6. Not making an effort to understand what the other person is saying – this can be a biggie. Once you have been together for a while, we start to only half listen to our partner and just assume what they are saying is about. Many of the affairs I have seen in the counselling room started because one person never felt listened too or understood by their partner or their partner was too busy working or hanging out with their friends – they just felt alone and not loved.

7. Not using the love languages – if you truly love your partner why would you show them love and affection in a way they don’t like? I don’t like hugs so hugging me is a great way to show you don’t like me. If your partner is a words person and you never give them a card for their birthday or never send them a sms during the day to see how they are going – then you are starving them of feeling loved. If they are a time person and in your spare time you just want to hang with your friends, then your partner will be feeing your friends are better to hang out with than them.

Is this a definitive list?


But it does give you insight into areas where you might need to work on in your relationship.

Nail these seven things and you will probably never need someone like me in your life!

About David Lawson

Finding the Light is a locally owned and operated counselling and life coaching business based in Bundaberg. We seek to empower our clients to find their way forward to a better life by using the approaches of counselling or coaching. If this blog article has raised more questions please contact us by email or call us on 0407 585 497 to arrange a time for us to discuss the article. Mention this blog and we will give you a FREE 30 minute session to discuss.

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