I want to share something with you that comes up often in the counselling room – and something I believe is at the heart of a strong, healthy relationship: accountability.
Now, before your mind goes to “fault” or “blame,” this isn’t about finger-pointing. It’s about ownership. About tuning into what’s going on in you, and how your actions, your words, even your silences, might be affecting the person you love.
Here are a few tips that may support you in your relationship this week:
1. Little Moments Count
We all get busy. We forget to check in, or we miss a chance to say, “I love you” or “How was your day?” Those things might seem small, but they add up over time.
Taking a moment to say, “I realise I forgot to ask about your big meeting yesterday – how did it go?” can repair a lot more than we often expect.
2. Be Honest About What You Feel – Even If It’s Awkward
One thing I often say to clients: your feelings are valid. But they can’t be addressed if they stay hidden. Maybe you felt hurt, ignored, or a bit let down. Try saying, “I felt a bit off when we didn’t connect last night. I missed you.”
Owning your feelings isn’t weak – it’s courageous.
3. Use “I” Statements to Open, Not Close, the Door
This is one of those things we know, but it’s easy to forget in the heat of the moment. Instead of “You never help out around here,” try, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, and I’d really appreciate more support.”
“I” statements don’t remove your feelings—they just express them in a way your partner can hear, without getting defensive.
4. Go First, Even When It’s Hard
You don’t have to wait for your partner to make the first move. You can set the tone. Being accountable for your part – even if it’s just a small part – builds trust. It says, “I care about this relationship enough to own my stuff.”
If both of you are willing to do this, you’ll create a space where love and repair can keep growing.
Relationships are built one honest, intentional step at a time.
