Each partner brings their values to the relationship, often they are the values of the family that you were in as a child. Often each partner may not have a clear understanding of the other’s values until you begin living together and having to make decisions. Issues that often cause problems in relationships are values around parenting, finances, friends, recreation, communication and intimacy.
Each partners principles, goals, and beliefs, shape their choices, actions and decisions. The way you communicate about your values impacts your relationship and your future in it. You might not discuss conflicting values until a situation makes it necessary (for instance, discussing parenting values when a baby arrives).
In successful relationships, partners determine that their conflicting values are acceptable or tolerable and are worth the effort. They communicate in ways that are respectful and supportive of each other’s values while focusing on what is best for their relationship. They encourage each other to reach individual goals, instead of trying to change their partner. So, before you make the plunge, sit down and discuss each of the following questions about things that can cause problems:
1. What is important for you (being a couple, work /life balance)?
2. What do believe regarding (savings, child rearing, affection)?
3. What are your life goals or what do you want to achieve in the next 5 years?
4. How would you like me to raise difficult topics?
5. When you get upset what do you do?
6. What is the most important thing for you about being in a relationship?
7. How will you support my needs in this relationship?
8. How would you like me to support your needs in this relationship?
9. What will be our shared goals?
10. How would you like me to communicate if I feel this is not working for me?
Being willing to have a difficult conversation at the beginning of your relationship could save you a lot of heartache down the track.
Can you be honest answering these questions and revealing your not so nice points?
