When should you get relationship counselling?

Relationship counselling is the term for going to a counsellor as a couple to work out differences. You can go to a counsellor when you are having difficulties in your relationship that might cause you to break up or when you are ready to take the relationship to a new level.

Relationship counselling helps you to open new lines of communication. The counsellor can help you by posing questions, pointing out contradictions, and helping you stay civil as you work out your differences.

Relationships are about compromise, but compromise is difficult. Relationship counselling can be helpful in working out these important compromises that will make your relationship work.

Relationship counselling only works if both parties are willing and able to commit to it. If your motivation is not sincere, you are not likely to get much out of it. While the skill of the counsellor is an important factor in determining how successful the counselling is, even the most skilled counsellor cannot work miracles with couples who are not thoroughly engaged in the counselling process.

Here is a summary of how to get the most out of relationship counselling.

Acknowledge there is a problem.
Until both parties are willing to state that there is a problem and that they have the willingness to work at resolving the problem, there is no hope for relationship counselling to succeed.

Be prepared to realise that you are part of the reason there is a problem.
Too many times, one partner wants to go into counselling because they perceive that the other partner has a problem. But a relationship is a two-way street. Unless you are willing to find out that you have contributed to the problem in big ways and small, you will not have a good therapeutic experience.

Be willing to change.
Acknowledging that you are part of the problem isn’t on its face enough. You have to be willing to grow and change. The counsellor can help you realize how to change, but you have to be willing to do the hard work of implementing the change.

Don’t expect the counsellor to be a magician.
Your counsellor can’t wave a magic wand and “fix” your relationship. Counselling is a mechanism for you to solve your problems, but it only works if you work. That is, it is a means for you to do the hard work in your relationship. If you come into relationship counselling with unrealistic expectations, you are bound to be dissatisfied with the results.

Know that it takes time.
You won’t solve your relationship problems in one session or even five. You have to commit to making counselling work for you, even if it means going for a fair amount of time.

Relationship counselling is a commitment of time, money, and emotional energy. If your relationship is worth saving, relationship counselling may be the answer for you.