Contrary to what you have heard, it’s not your looks, your money, your job or even your luck, that’s going to keep you in a great relationship, and keep it sizzling. No, the secret is how we go about it.
1. Stop competing with each other! Good relationships are about being on the same side. What’s the purpose in scoring all those points? Sure, you may cross the finish line first today, and maybe tomorrow as well. But you’ll be all alone when you do, and if you carry on this way, eventually you may not have anyone left in your life to compete with! So, stop competing; stop player-hating; start concentrating on crossing that finish line as part of a winning team.
2. Listen, communicate and hear! One of my favorite parts of my relationship is sitting and chatting with my wife. We talk about big stuff, and small stuff; share plans and pains, and each of us engages with what the other is saying. We never use silence as a weapon and never go to bed angry. Master the art of real conversation, and your relationship is halfway home!
3. Understanding your relationship is not about ownership. This is probably the most common personal problem I come across. Possessiveness and jealousy are two of the most destructive of all human forces. Very few relationships will survive the poison of this twin-horned devil. Let it go!
4. Pay yourself first every day! The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself! That means taking care of your body, mind and spirit every single day. I call it self-respect and can guarantee you that if you don’t care for yourself, then few others will. Why should they? If you’ve already demonstrated your own low self-esteem, who am I, or anyone else, to argue with that? Take care of yourself first each day, to be strong enough to take care of the people you care about.
5. Put the romance back! You just can’t beat it. A romantic gesture says: “At this moment, I am thinking 100% of you, and your needs, and I want to do everything I can to please you.” It also says a great deal about your own self-esteem. You’d be amazed how many people are motivated to make romantic gestures because of the praise they’ll receive, not the pleasure they’ll give. That isn’t romance, it’s selfish. Learn to discern. Become a Master of Romance. It’ll spice up your life!
6. Learn how to bend, but never so far that you snap. Relationships are all about give and take. It’s OK to bend with the wind sometimes. That’s the nature of the dance. But it’s not OK to bow over so far, so often, and so low, that you get worn down, weakened and snap. Learn how much to give, how much to take, and when to walk away.
Which one do you need to work on?
