Usually, we enter a relationship hoping we will be happy. Happiness depends upon circumstances. When things go well, we are happy.
Joy is different. It does not come and go. It does not depend upon circumstances. Joy arises from within. It is an attitude of mind that can be developed and nurtured. Joy is not reactive. It is a positive decision we have made about ourselves and the world we live in. In a sense joy is a practice and is based upon actions taken, a way of being with oneself and others and is a decision we make each day. Here are some steps you can take to put joy in your relationship.
Give Up Blaming the Other Person.
It is easy to find things disappointing about the person you are in a relationship with. When we are upset, we blame them, rather than making sure we are the best version of us. This is putting our wellbeing in their hands which destroys our joy, as well as undermining the other person. You are creating your own unhappiness by blaming them.
Learn The Art of Giving
Giving to get something back is nothing more than manipulation, and quickly kills our joy. Joy is based upon true giving. Giving means, giving with no strings attached. Giving something to the person that they need, not something that pleases you. Think of them, not yourself. Become sensitive to what a person is really needing, so they can receive it. Being there for them will grow your joy.
Learn to Listen
There is no better way of giving to another person than by listening to them. Most of the time we listen, but do not hear what is being said. Listening involves getting out of your own thoughts and truly being there with the other person. It means stopping the little voice inside that always comments or thinks about what it is going to say next. It means becoming quiet and available. Place all your attention upon the other person allowing them the time and space to express all that is inside. People around you will start opening up and you will become more joyful.
Stop Trying to Change the Other Person
One person feels they cannot love unless that person changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with them. If you loved me enough, you would change. True love is the ability to love the person as they are. In your attempt to get the other person to change you might cross the line into abuse. Joy comes when we accept the other person for who and what they are.
How is your joy going?
