Communicating with your partner is not always equal. Sometimes you’re able to clearly say what you want, and the other person gets it. Or the wires get crossed, and something you have said leaves both of you feeling frustrated and upset.

Our emotions and expectations can make it hard to say exactly what we mean or interpret what our partner is telling us. Despite your best intentions, you might be damaging your efforts of good communication with one these five ways.

Being too sarcastic
Even if it’s your personality or sense of humour, a sarcastic tone can come across as critical or disapproving. You might think you’re joking; but your spouse is feeling hurt. By softening your tone and being straightforward, you will avoid your spouse thinking they are a joke or what they want to talk about is not important.

Not being aware of your body language
If you are being intentional with your words and tone but if your body language doesn’t match, then your partner will see it as you lying to them. Eye rolls, sighs or looking away suggest you are hiding something or don’t really think the conversation is worth the effort.

Being distracted
Your phone, the paper, the kids are ways you can get distracted. It’s not always possible to eliminate them, but minimising them will give you a better chance to say what you mean and truly hear each other. If you’re in the middle of something, and you can’t give your full attention then let the other person know. Say something like “Hey, can we talk about this in five minutes? I just need to finish this.”

Making assumptions
You assume they know and so they should be able to figure it out. Maybe you are right; but what if you are not? When you make assumptions about what your partner knows, you make it significantly harder for them to meet your needs, while also increasing your own feelings of resentment. By telling them what you want them to know, you give them the chance to know what you want them to know and act on it.
Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable

Quality communication, that deepens your relationship requires some level of vulnerability. Keeping your guard up limits the emotional intimacy you can build with your spouse as be kept at a surface level. Over time, this can-do serious damage to your relationship. While it can feel scary and uncomfortable to open yourself up in this way, mutual vulnerability builds trust and a level of closeness that draws you closer together and leads to a strong and healthy relationship.

Even when we know how important it is to communicate well in our relationship, we sometimes do things that undermine our own efforts in this area. Our tone, body language, and mental and emotional roadblocks can all contribute to misunderstandings and misinterpretations. By being aware of these habits, you can take steps to curb them – and begin to understand each other better.