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Getting Social Confidence

We all have varying levels of confidence. Most people are more confident in attempting something they’ve done before than when they’re trying something new. That’s natural. Your confidence can go up and down depending on so many different factors.

In social settings, things outside of your control can cause you to have a low level of confidence in your abilities. This happens all the time in social situations. If you already suffer from poor social confidence, you may convince yourself that avoiding social interaction is the best option.

Avoiding a problem never defeats it. That means if you want more social confidence, you have to face what’s holding you back. You can do that with the following questions which reveal different ways for you to be more confident about your abilities in social settings.

What can I do today?
Sometimes dealing with people can benefit from preparation. What can you do today to improve your social skills tomorrow? Is there something happening over the course of the next few days that you can plan for?

Making your social skills stronger tomorrow means taking a few steps out of your comfort zone today. You could talk to a stranger for a few seconds. That might be something that usually makes you uncomfortable. Go for a walk in your neighbourhood, smiling and waving at everyone you meet.

Preparation in any endeavour will always produce a better result than just showing up and hoping for the best. This is true for developing social confidence. Take a little time today to prepare for tomorrow and the personal interactions you might encounter.

Who could I talk to?
As hard as it may be for you to reach out and make a connection, that’s what you need to do. So many times, in our lives we can accomplish amazing things if we just get the right person to help us.

Ask this individual if they’ve always been this way. What you’ll find a lot of the time is that the people who look so socially at ease weren’t always that way. They had to teach themselves certain skills that gave them confidence in social settings.

Remember, sometimes success is simply achieved by doing what someone else has already done.

What am I good at?
Maybe there are several things you do well. What are they? Be honest with yourself. You know you’re good at several different things. No matter how simple or inconsequential they seem, list them. Then look at your list.

How does it make you feel when you realise, you’re proficient at something? It should give you a boost of self-esteem. It’s nice to know you’re good at something. If you’re good at something, this proves you have what it takes to succeed. Carry that mindset over to social interactions and you’ll have more confidence in dealing with people.

We all receive compliments from time to time. The person that suffers from low self-esteem and social confidence often cannot receive a compliment and make all kinds of excuses why the compliment is misplaced or undeserved.

• I just got lucky.
• This was a one-time thing. I’m usually not that good at ____.
• Anybody could have done it. It’s not that big of a deal.
• You’re just saying that to be nice.
• I admit that what I did was good, but it’s not like I’ll ever be able to do something like that again.

This is what goes through the mind of someone with low social confidence. They’re in a social setting and someone pays them a compliment. It could be something as simple as remarking about an article of clothing.

Deflecting praise is sometimes a missed opportunity. If we thank that person for recognizing us and we congratulate ourselves for our achievement, however small, we feel better about ourselves. This can lead to a greater belief that we have the abilities needed to succeed in social situations as well.

What would you say to a friend?
Pretend for a moment that you don’t have any issues in social settings. You handle yourself well in interactions with strangers, big groups don’t intimidate you, and look forward to public speaking.

With this new identity, what would you say to someone who is socially awkward? How would you help them to be less shy and more outgoing? Remember, you’re thinking from your new brain. This is the new personality that loves socializing and interacting with others.

The things that you would say to this person that lacks social confidence are the things you need to hear.

You can train yourself to be more confident than you currently are. This is true in social settings and other areas of your life. When dealing with people, it’s possible to create on-demand confidence that helps produce the best possible outcome. This is true even if you currently suffer from a low level of belief in yourself and your abilities when dealing with other people.

What would your life be like if you chose to ignore your social anxiety?

About David Lawson

Finding the Light is a locally owned and operated counselling and life coaching business based in Bundaberg. We seek to empower our clients to find their way forward to a better life by using the approaches of counselling or coaching. If this blog article has raised more questions please contact us by email or call us on 0407 585 497 to arrange a time for us to discuss the article. Mention this blog and we will give you a FREE 30 minute session to discuss.

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